Miss Understood

So far the tally of headlines which I have completely misread is at 5 for the morning. My favorite so far is a 2 part one from MSNBC:

Miss. tornado wreaks 'widespread damage.'

I, of course, read that as some pissed off beauty queen opening up a can of whoop-ass on some unsuspecting trailer park. I stared at it, figured it out and scrolled down a little to read:

Miss twister injures 17, destroys homes. (Holy crap, these girls are beating the shit out of each other! )

Yes, I managed to misread two headlines about the same thing in about 15 seconds. I am a moron.

Here is one I wish I had misread:

Vacuum sex act draws 90-day sentence. Seriously???? Why for the love of God, whhhyyyyyy?

And in one more display of why I don't read the news on NPR, I read the headline "Hedge fund's ponder Obama's carrot, fear stick." as:

Hedgehog ponders Obama's carrot-stick.

I'm going to go take a nap.